SOYAYYAR ZUCIYAR MU

KO/KIN TABA SOYAYYA AN KARYA MIKI ZUCIYA

Daga cikin irin kalmomin da zaka dinga ji daga wajen wadanda aka karyawa zuciya a soyayya sun hada da :

● Na daina soyayya.

● So ko wahala.

● Bazan sake yin soyayya ba
 Soyayya ko bata lokaci?
Mata suce:

● Maza mayaudara ne.

● Najimi ba dan goyo bane.

● Namiji kanin ajali.

● Duk wacce ta riki namiji.

● Uba zata mutu maraya.

Maza suce :

● Mata mayaudara
● Mata basu da alqawari
● Mata basu gaskiya
Da sauransu.

Ai ina tunanin rashin fahimtar abinne yake jawo haka ! Idan ka zama mai fushi akan komai to mai zai hana idan aka bata maka rai akan abinci kace ka daina ci ? Ko akan kudi kace ka daina kashesu ? Ko idan mutane suka bata maka rai kace ka daina magana da kowa ? In kuma ba zakayi haka ba to me yasa ita soyayya zaka yi mata haka ?!
Ba tare da bata lokaci ba zanyi iya kokarina wajen bayar da haquri ga wadanda aka karyawa zuciya a soyayya tare da nuna musu ko dai kuskuren da suka yi a soyayyar ko kuma akasin da aka samu har hakan ta faru dasu, sannan in nuna mana mafita ko abinda ya kamata mutum yayi dan gujewa irin wannan matsalar a nan gaba.

SOYAYYA GINSHIKIN RAYUWAR DAN ADAM
SOYAYYA DA DADI !

Soyayya ta kasance abu mai dadin gaske, hakan yasa kowa ya tashi yin buri a soyayya zai so ya sami mafi soyuwa daga cikin yanayin da mutum zai iya kasancewa a cikin soyayya. Idan namiji ne zaiso ace ya samu mace kyakykyawa, mai ilmi, ‘yar masu kudi dss, duk dai kawai dan soyayyar ta zamo ta cika da dadi ta ko ina. Haka itama mace zata so ace ta samu miji mai kyau, mai ilmi, mai addini dss, idan muka duba komai na duniya zamu ga cewa akwai dadi a cikinshi sannan kuma akwai daci, ita kanta duniyar wani lokaci ka ji ka cikin farin ciki wani lokaci kuma kawai sai ka jika cikin damuwa ba tare da anyi maka komai ba.

Haka ita ma soyayya ba’a barta a baya ba, akwai zuma a cikinta sannan akwai madaci, asali ma dacin dake cikin soyayya yawanshi ba zai misaltuba. Saboda yadda mutane suke daukar cewa zumace mai dadi zalla a cikin soyayya yasa a duk lokacin da suka hadu da dacinta sai ya zamo yayi tasiri akansu wanda a sakamakon hakanma yawanci suke cewa sun daina soyayyar gaba daya !
Sannan kuma shi wannan dacin na soyaya yafi tasiri akan musamman masu yin soyayyar ta farko ; saboda zasu zo mata da zumudin cewa ai soyayya dadi ne da ita mara misaltuwa to idan akayi rashin sa’a kuma aka karya musu zuciya sai suji daci mai yawan da zaisa suji gara ma su daina soyayyar gaba daya

BA HAKA YA KAMATA SUYI BA !

Me yasa kawai dan ka samu matsala a soyayyar farko sai kace duk soyayyar ma bata da dadi? Idan kuma ya kasance cewa tayi maka dacinne saboda wani kuskure da kayi a soyayyar taka fa? Ashe kenan kaine da laifin ba soyayya ba. Kamar yadda kuka sani cewa zuma bata daina zaki haka ita ma soyayya ko yaushe dadi ne da ita, idan kaga bata yi maka dadi ba to lallai kaine kayi wani abu ba dai dai ba!
Soyayya ta zama dole a rayuwa saboda haka banga dalilin da zaisa dan an samu matsala a farko sai ace an dainata ba. Bayan soyayya akwai sauran abubuwan rayuwa da ake samun matsalaoli a farkon farasu, shin suma tunda an samu matsala kawai sai ace an fasa ?! Misalin abubuwan rayuwar da ake samun matsala a cikinsu suna hada da :

1. Rarrafe da tafiya : a lokacin da yaro yake rarrafe, a lokacin da zai fara tafiya sai yayi ta gwadawa, wani lokacin ya fadi yaji ciwo, amma hakan baya hana shi ya qara gwadawa, haka zai tayi a hankali- a hankali har sai ya iya (yaro ma kenan bai sare ya daina gwadawa ba !)

2. Kasuwanci : Sau da yawa mutum zai sa kudinsa a kasuwa amma idan aka samu akasi sai kudin su narke, amma saboda yasan cewa wani lokacin riba zata iya zuwa sai kuga bai damu ba ya sake nemo wasu kudin ya sake sawa a kasuwar; ashe kunga kenan rashin samu sa’a a farkon abu ba yana nufin babu nasara a cikin ba kenan.

3. Noma : Haka shima manomi yasan cewa Allah ne yake kawo damuna mai albarka, idan wannan shekarar bai samu amfani mai yawa ba hakan ba zai hana shi gwadawa ba idan wata shekarar ta zagayo.

4. Mai rubuta jarrabawar fita daga sakandire (SSCE) : Shin idan ya samu matsala a farko shikenan sai yace bazai kara ba ? Mai zai hana ya kara gwadawa ko za’a dace ? Akwai mutanen da sai sun rubuta kamar sau biyar sannan suke ci, kunga kenan sake gwadawa yayi musu amfani !

5. Mai neman shiga makarantar Jami’a : Haka wannan ma idan ya gwada wannan shekarar bai samu ba sai kuga idan wata shekarar tazo sai ya sake gwadawa, mai yasa bazai cewa bazai qara ba ? Saboda yasan cewa wata rana za’a dace !

Na kawo wadannan misalanne dan in nuna mana cewa duk abinda yake da muhimmanci a rayuwa bai kamata dan an gwada sau daya ba’a ci nasara ba ace an daina ko baza ayi ba gaba daya !.

Shin soyayya bata da muhimmanci ne a rayuwa wanda za’a ce baza a kara yi ba dan an samu matsala ? Ku tuna fa ; a soyayya ne muke nemo wanda/wacce muke fatan mu kasane tare har zuwa karshen rayuwarmu,

ASHE KUWA BA SOYAYYA CE ABU MAFI MUHIMMANCIN DA YA KAMATA MU TSAYA MUYI AMFANI DA KARFINMU, DA ILMINMU, DA KUDINMU DA KOMAI NAMU DAN MU SAMU ABOKIN ZAMA BA ?

Ba wani daliline yasa mutane sukar soyayya ba illa karya musu zuciya da aka yi a baya a cikin soyayya. Abin tambaya anan shine ko qaramin yaro yasan cewa soyayya abu ne mai dadi, to me yasa mutane suke fadin irin wadannan maganganu a kanta ?!

Soyayya abu ne mai dadi, amma lallai idan mutum bai tsaya ya fahimce ta ba to lallai zai iya dandana dacinta..

DAGA CIKIN ABUBUWAN DA SUKE SA MUTUM YA SAMU MATSALA A SOYAYYA SUN HADA DA:

1. Shigar Zumudi : Wannan yana faruwa ne ga wadanda suka shiga soyayya a farko, sanin cewa soyayya dadi ne da ita ; da rashin sanin dacin dake cikinta yasa sai su shigeta da tunanin cewa ai dadi ne kawai a ciki, a ganinsu ai kullum farin ciki da annashuwa zasu dinga samu daga soyayyar. Idan aka samu akasi aka bata musu ko kuma soyayyar ta juya musu baya sai suji dacin da yafi komai daci a rayuwa, musamman ma da ya zama cewa basu taba dandana irin wannan dacin ba kawai sai suji soyayyar ta fitar musu a rai, suna ganin cewa ai idan suka sake yi ma hakanne zai sake faruwa. Hakan yasa nake kira a gare ku yaku ‘yan koyo a soyayya (haha-haha) ku sani cewa ba haka abin yake ba, akwai Zaqi a cikin soyayya haka kuma akwai Daci, a hankali ake shiga cikin soyayya har sai an gane kanta. Ya ku wadanda zumudin soyayya ya karyawa zuciya, kuyi haquri ku koma, soyayya ginshiqin rayuwa ce, amma kuma sai ku kula da sauran bayanan da zasu biyo baya dan ku kubuta daga shiga wani dacin na soyayya.

2. Son Ma-so Wani : Abinda ake nufi da son maso wani shine ya zamo kina/kana son wani/wata amma kuma shi yana son wata daban, kullum kana tunanin zaka iya jawo hankalinta/shi zuwa wajenka, irin wannan kamar mafarki yake, mutum yana iya bata shekaru masu yawa yana tunanin zai iya jawo ra’ayin wanda yake so din zuwa wajensa. Irin wannan son ba abin yi bane, soyayya ra’ayi ce, idan mutum ya nuna baya yin ka to lallai ka hakura shine yafi.Wani abin haushin ma shine wasu sukan yi irin wannan son ba tare da wanda suke so din ma yasan suna yi ba ; dan kuwa basu fada mata/masa ba.

IDAN IRIN WANNAN SON NE YASA ZUCIYARKA/KI TA KARYE A SOYAYYA TO KADA KA ZARGI KOWA SAI KANKA/KI.

Amma duk da haka karku damu, lokaci yayi da ya dace ku samu masoya na gaskiya.

3. Banbancin Shekaru : Anan kuma idan ya zama cewa kana/kina soyayya da wanda shekarunku suke da banbanci sosai ko suka zo daya, to za’a iya samun matsala, abin ya kasu kamar haka :

a. Soyayyar Sa’anni (Sako Da Sako) : Idan mace da namijin da suke shekaru daya ko kusa suna soyayya to ya danganta da yadda abin yake, misali ace sun fara soyayyar suna kamar shekaru goma sha shida (16), to a lokacin da zasu kai shekara 18 sai kaga macen ta girma sosai ta isa aure amma shi kuwa namiji idan ma yayi maganar aure a gidansu za’a ce bashi da hankali, baifi daya daga cikin dari ba ake samu irin wadannan masoyan suyi aure. Irin wannan yakan faru ga musamman matasan mata da maza ‘yan makarantar sakandire Saboda haka itama soyayya ce abar a gujeta.

b. Mace ta girmi namiji : Irin wannan kuma in dai ba a lokacin zasu yi aurenba to shima abu ne mai kamar wuya, musamman ga ita macen, bai kamata ta tsayawa soyayyar da tasan ba dole ne takai ga aure ba, zamanin nan baya bukatar mutum ya tsaya yana soyayyar wasa.

c. Namiji yaso ‘yar karamar yarinya : Anan kuma namiji wanda ko dai ya riga ya isa aure ko kuma nan da ‘yan shekaru zai isa, sai ya zamo yana son yarinya karama (kamar ‘yar shekara 10, 12 ko kasa da haka), babbar matsalar da ake samu a irin wannan soyayyar shine a lokacin da yarinyar ta girma ta gane meye soyayya sai taga cewa ai tana da damar zaben wanda take so, bayan shi kuma ya zama kamar Yaya a wajenta, saboda haka ita ma irin wannan soyayyar tana da hadari.

4. Soyayya Da Namiji Mara Sana’a : Babbar illar wannan soyayyar yafi bayyana ne a lokacin da aka yi aure, babu wani dalili na Addini ko na hankali da yace namiji yayi aure bayan bashi da sana’a, asali ma ai tun a wajen daurin aure Limami yake cewa ciyarwa ta koma kan Angon, ko dame zai ciyar da ita bayan bashi da sana’a !? Idan kuma ba’a kai ga yin aure ba to sai anzo wajen da za’a cewa namiji ya fito, idan manyan macen suka gane bashi da sana’a to ba zasu yarda da auren ba, idan irin wannan soyayyar ce tasa kika ce kin daina soyayya to kiyi haquri ki koma, amma karki kara yin irin wannan kuskuren.

5. Banbancin Matsayi A Rayuwa : Zaku iya ganin Shehu dan gidan Malam Mudu Mai Jaki yana soyayya da ‘yar gidan Aminu Dantata, ya sace mata zuciya saboda ya iya kalaman soyayya, babu wanda yace kar kayi soyayya da ‘yar gidan masu kudi, amma kai kana ganin zaka dauko ta daga cikin katafaren gida mai cike da kayan alatu ne ka ajiye ta a gidan haya ? Allah SWT ne yake azurta mutum amma akwai adalci a rayuwa, daukar mutum daga rayuwa mai dadi zuwa rayuwar da take kasa da hakan yana da wuya in dai ba dole ba ; wai ma idan fa abin ya yiyu kenan ! Amma yawancin irin wannan soyayyar bata lokaci ce ga namiji, ni kaina na taba yin irin wannan soyayyar amma dama dai nasan ba zata dore ba, kawai dai zaqin soyayyar ne ya debe ni amma daga baya na gane gaskiya.

Saboda haka idan irin wannan dalilin ne ya sa kace ka daina soyayya to kaima kayi hakuri ka koma tunda ka gane kuskuren da kayi.

6. Soyayyar Hadama : Irin wannan soyayyar tana da salo kala-kala, misalin ta shine kana Bahaushe kace kai Balarabiya kake so, ko kana talaka kace ‘yar sarki zaka aure, ko kana Najeriya kace ‘yar Amurika zaka aura ; idan kana da kudi to wataqila abin yayi aiki, in kuma ba haka ba ai wannan hadama ce ko ? Ya kamata mu iya banbancewa tsakanin abinda zai yiwu da wanda bazai yiwu ba !

7. YAUDARA : Yaudara itace dalili na farko da yake karyawa mutane zuciya a soyayya, amma na kawota a karshe ne saboda bayanin yayi yawan da bazai yiwu mu gama shi a nan ba, sai dai inyi mana matashiya akai. Yaudara a soyayya abu ne wanda yake ciwa mutane tuwo a kwarya, amma kuma duk da hakan akwai yadda mutum zaiyi ya guje mata ! Na raba bayanin gida biyu na mata da na maza :

a. MAZA : Hasken da zan bamu yadda zamu iya gujewa yaudarar mata shine ; ya kai dan uwa na saurayi abu na farko da zanso ka sani shine karka shiga soyayya idan kasan ba aure zaka yi, idan kuwa ka shiga kuma aka yaudareka to dama wannan bayanin ba dakai nake ba, ina magana ne akan wadanda suke son yin auren da gaske.
i. Mace Mai Kwadayi : Gane yaudarar irin wadannan matan a soyayya abu ne mai sauki, indai mace ma’abociyar kwadayi ce to kuwa zata yi ta bukatar abubuwa daga wajen, kamar su kudi, kaya, katin waya, kaita unguwa dss, duk mace mai irin wannan hali akwai yiyuwar ba kai kadai takewa haka ba, in dai kai kuma da gaske aurenta zaka yi to kawai kace mata zaka turo manya, idan ta tsaya yi maka kauce-kauce to a nan zaka gane ita wacece.

ii. Mace mai ruwan ido : Ita kuma irin wannan macen bawai yaudarar tayi niyyar yi ba, amma saboda ruwan idonta idan wani saurayin wanda ya fika yazo sai ta barka ta koma gurinshi, ita ma dai abinda ya kamata kayi kafin hakan ta faru shine kawai daga shigarka sai ka tura manya ayi magana, kaga ko ba komai dai idan ma zata canja wanin to sai iyayenta sun sani, idan suka goyi bayanta kuma kaga kasan dama gidan kananan mutane kaje, sai ka godewa Allah daya bayyana maka halinta da na iyayenta sai kayi gaba.

iii. Abu na karshe da zanso namiji ya gane shine a duk lokacin da kaga mace ta fara yi maka wasa da hankali, ko ta rage yawan kulawar da take nuna maka, ko ta fara kakkaucewa haduwa ko magana da kai to fa ka gane cewa akwai wata magana a kasa, dan yawancin mata saboda kawaicinsu idan sunyi canjin masoyi basa iya sanar da na farkon. Idan hakan ta faru da kai to kayi iya kokarinka wajen gano dalili, idan ka kasa ganowa kuma sai ka gwada yi mata qaura, ka daina zuwa wajenta ko kiranta kamar na sati biyu, idan kayi haka kuma kaga bata neme ka ba to kaima kasan ta daina yi dakai ne. Ya kamata mu gane cewa ba’a dole a soyayya, duk wanda ya nuna baya yi da kai to ina ganin haquri shine yafi, saboda idan ma kasa anyi auren ko da bata so to daga baya sai kiyayyar ta sake dawowa a rayuwarku ta aure.

b. MATA : Kasancewar mata sunfi cutuwa a harkar yaudara (bawai ina nufin maza sunfi yaudara ba, ina nufin idan mace ta yaudari namiji bai wuce ace taci kudinshi ba, idan kuwa namiji ya yaudari mace to zai iya yi mata abinda har ta mutu baza ta manta dashi ba, da fatan kun gane me nake nufi), hakan yasa nayi dogon bayanin hanyoyin da mace zata bi dan gujewa yaudarar maza. Amma a baya da nayi kokarin yin wannan bayanin a cikin mutane sai maza suka yo caaaa a kaina, wai ya zan dinga tona musu asiri ? Ku sani cewa ni babu wanda nake goyon baya (ko mata ko maza), ni dai burina shine mu gane Tsaftatacciyar Soyayya.

c. MAZA DA MATA : Idan muna tunanin cewa dukkan maza da mata sun zama mayaurada ; bama ganin yadda ake daurin aure kala-kala kowanne sati ? Ta yaya za’a yi auren idan kowa mayaudari ne ? Idan muka nutsu, muka cire sorai da hadama, muka yi gaskiya a soyayya zamu hadu da masoya na kwarai. Sannan duk wanda aka yaudara a soyayya ai godeyar Allah ya kamata yayi, idan macece sai ki godewa Allah da yasa kika gane cewa dama shi mayaudari ne gara da baki aure shi ba, haka ma namiji.

TAMBAYA : Idan aka ce maka/miki abokin rayuwarki/ka daya ne daga cikin dari (1/100) shin zamu dage mu nemo shi ko kuwa zamu bari mayaudaran masoya su karya mana zuciya ?!

ME YA KAMATA KAYI IDAN AKA SAKE KARYA MA ZUCIYA A SOYAYYA ?

Idan aka sake bata maka rai a soyayya to har ila yau ba fushi ne abin yi ba saboda yadda muhimmancin da soyayya take da shi a rayuwar Dan Adam, abin yi anan shine :

1. Farko dai dama abin lalube ne cikin duhu, dan baka san waye abokin zaman naka ba, kuma dama ka riga kasan cewa a cikin soyayya akwai zaki sannan kuma akwai daci, saboda haka sai ka bawa kanka hakuri.

2. Abu na biyu kuma shine sai ka danyi nesa da soyayyar na dan wani lokaci har sai ka huce daga abinda akayi maka, wato dai kaje Hutun Soyayya.

3. Sannan idan ka dawo daga hutun sai kazo ka sake karanta wannan rubutun dan kara samun karfin gwiwa kafin ka kara gwadawa, sai kuma ka kula da kurakuren da wasu sukanyi da kuma wanda kaima kayi a baya a cikin soyayyar dan ka guje musu, sannan ka zamo mai gaskiya a cikin soyayya.

4. Kar kuma mu mance da addu’a, wacce itace takobin mai Sallah.